Angel

The first night of many of my mother’s embarrassing habits: She snores. Loudly. It would be a night from hell if not for the continuous supply of vodka and lemonade that a very cute steward supplies. All the passengers are complaining about my mother so the steward wedges a big wad of paper napkins under her chin to try to prop her jaw closed. It has no effect so I try stuffing them in her mouth but she spits them out.  She doesn’t even wake up. My ipod runs out of battery a few hours into the flight and so I watch three films in a row.  My ears will now have to be operated on because with my mother’s pig imitations and the drone and pressure from the cabin noise I have to have the film soundtrack on full volume and am now stone deaf. Before breakfast is served I pass out.